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BaconIsWrong
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Name: Elyse
Country: United States
State: Missouri
Metro: Columbia
Birthday: 8/31/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: drawing, writing, reading, being artsy in general although I am not very talented, Knitting, coloring books, cooking (when its for other people, if its just for me I will eat crackers rather than cook...), CAKE outings, balloon animals, taking lots of pictures (or as many as I can get my camera to hold at that point in time), quiet contemplation, loud contemplation, stabbing the piano.
Expertise: getting my heartbroken, bad driving, and also knitting.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Media
Message: message me
AIM:  BaconIsWrong
Member Since:
8/13/2005
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| I am moving!
No more Xanga!
read my new blog:
www.thesunandtheson.blogspot.com
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| It has been quite along time since I have written anything. I've wondered as of late why this is. Am I too busy? Or simply not inspired anymore? I have been blessed beyond my heart's desire as of late with amazing friends. I cannot thank God enough for putting such wonderful people in my life. This semester is almost done; this year is almost done. I can honestly say with all of my heart that I am changed. I have changed so radically in the last year from the person that I had been in high school, freshman year of college, even from 1st semester sophomore year.
How strange, to think back on those times. Why do I always end up reminiscing on here? Not gonna do it today.
I am sore. Really really really sore. We played cheerleader this last weeekend. What posessed us to try and basket toss girls for two days straight i will never know. I wasn't really very good at stunts when I was a cheerleader, why try it now? My arms are super bruised. Peter says I bruise ridiculously easy. this is true.
I need a coffee. No more lent means I can have all the caffiene I want. Good thing too, cuz I am coming home this weekend with my bffs in tow! | | |
| Every once in a while, I have a self-realization moment. I see something, and it sets my mind to realize very acutely where I am, and how far I have come, and how I never imagined in my whole life that I would be here.
I had one yesterday.
I was sitting in traffic, and I looked up, and for some reason "The University of Missouri" emblazoned in yellow on the Hearnes Center caught my eye. I am at the University of Missouri. I am in college. I am almost 20 years old. How did I get here? It seems like a really short time ago that I was staging lip-syncs during PE to SClub 7 or even dressing like a clown for the little bit circus. Missouri never, ever was something I even thought about until the latter part of my senior year. Sometimes I get really caught up in the marvel of what God has wrought. There is no other explanation as to why I am here.
This week has been ridiculously busy. I plan to go home in about ten minutes and collapse for a few hours. I find that daytime naps are generally essential to my survival. Even though it has been super busy, this week feels like triumph. The depression that has been after me for so long feels beaten for good this time. I am happy. Supremely, intrinsically happy. I am broke, and I keep forgetting things, I still am in no relationship, and I have acheived no major success to speak of; but I am happy. None of it seems important. I want none of it anymore. I feel rescued. Like my hands are unbound. I am free.
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| We've been doing Romanticism in my lit class, and I just have to say, that I think Emerson was a way cool guy. I think that might make me a nerd.
In the woods, we return to reason and faith. There I feel that nothing can befall me in life, — no disgrace, no calamity, (leaving me my eyes,) which nature cannot repair. Standing on the bare ground, — my head bathed by the blithe air, and uplifted into infinite space, — all mean egotism vanishes. I become a transparent eye-ball; I am nothing; I see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me; I am part or particle of God. The name of the nearest friend sounds then foreign and accidental: to be brothers, to be acquaintances, — master or servant, is then a trifle and a disturbance. I am the lover of uncontained and immortal beauty. In the wilderness, I find something more dear and connate than in streets or villages. In the tranquil landscape, and especially in the distant line of the horizon, man beholds somewhat as beautiful as his own nature. - from Nature
Oh nature.
I am so glad that the sun has come back out.
I am going to go lay in the sun today, and attempt to absorb it. The day is so entirely lovely, I just want to seep it into my soul until it lifts, like Charlie and his Grandfather when they drank fizzy lifting drinks.
the snow is melting. Both literally and figuratively
You know what melts snow? Fire. | | |
| I'm trying hard to understand.
sometimes, it feels like I am treading water furiously and the moment I stop, I am going to drown.
Lately I've been trying to think back to the beginning, the beginning of where my life ceased to be easy and predictable. I don't long for that time. its just weird to think about that one day, things in my heart just changed. Suddenly the world seemed much larger than I had ever thought. I knew that I had to give it a chance. And I flung myself out on a limb. and here I am. That time seems so far away from where I am now. I'm not angry or sad just oddly meloncholy.
At times like these I like to put myself in my quiet place.
I'm sitting on my porch. in Alabama.
I'm home alone.
the wind is warm and it tousles my hair, which hasn't been washed in a while, which is okay because my mom is the only person who is gonna see me and she doesn't care if I look like a dirty squirrel. The sun alights on every blade of grass and wheat in the empty lot across from the house. The caution light blinks in a slow, calculated sort of way. I close my eyes and let the warmth brush across my face. deep breath. It smells like honeysuckle and freshly cut grass. My rocking chair is rocking me to sleep. Moments like that are where I feel the most at peace, like god is holding me still if only for a moment.
and I don't have to be anything.
but still.
I remember other places sometimes.
The Shores of Mackinac Island. the water washes in and out on the pebble filled shore, and the breeze is sharp and cool. its like every muscle in your body is alive. and the fog rises off of the lake. and the round island lighthouse pierces the dark. and I am curled up on an adirondack chair at mission point. and I can see the lights of small point over my shoulder. I remember the last time I was there that I was totally overtaken by the beauty of the night sky. The stars were so bright on a blanket of rich blue.
Honduras. I remember the sound of the rain on the roof. and the all-consuming darkness and abscence of street lights. The green that seemed omnipresent. the feeling that you were on the edge of something great. I'd lay in that hammock forever.
Days like today I am frustrated.
and I want to go to my quiet place and rest awhile
and let God romance me out of my corner.
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